it's been a crazy month since I updated this, but please know that I still think about you every day. You're almost always in the back of my mind somewhere, whenever I don't know what to think about then you're the first thought that i let occupy my mind. And I'm sure it's the same with you. 
I'm sorry if I haven't been abale to show you much how much how much I really care for you the past month.  try not to get your hopes up, but I'm hoping that your 18th birthday is your best one yet. maybe all you neede n your e was another person to truly care for you, and I hope to fill the void that youve perhaps had all these years. 

anyways, on to how I'm feeling, please read along for a while. How can it already be midterms man. it's been such a short amount f time and I don't even know what I've learned academically.Instead,it's ust ike i'm alling deeper into my own pit of self-doubt. I had a 2 hour conversation with my buddy where we jus talked about the problems of communication that I've been having. communication and memory. from the outside, many people don't actually see me as being someone that has bad y, but I suspect that's veacuase they haven't gotten to know me well. maybe all I need is a bit of a spark f confidence and at'll e all i need. 

honestly, I'm jus really glad hat you're by my side throughout this journey. I honestly had questions about how all of this would have turned out when I left for loo, if the summer would have jut ded way to memories and if we've both jus decide to live our separate lives. I wasn't sure how I felt, I wasn't sure about how you felt. But writing this now, i'm till somewhat torn. it's very evident you miss "me", whether that be my touch or myuu physical presence or whatever not. but now that we're erally unable to bond over the things that brought us together, what's really keeping us together anymore? the fact we both can't find anyone else? it' feels almost like a shame that two lonely people are so lonely that they only have each other to bond with, flocking together out of circumstances. I think the reality answer to this question is that we're still holding on because we can't and don't want to find someone else, which is quite powerful, but perhaps not theh healthiest. 

remember that time I talked to you about if you cared like a weel ago? i was pretttty happy with the way you seem to interpretate it, but then youve completely dismissed it the next day, and we just are simply less close now, and the things basically went back to normal. 
it was alawysh in our nature to e light hearted and fun, but we're unable to settle down nd anything else besides that than thats where the problems start to begin. part of it is on me because I haven't been online, but i feel another part is ithat the conversations I've been hving with you have not been exstremely furfilling. so iet's try an dmake it more :)

I've been ranting for white some time now. when you see this message, please me know at your favourite colour is, jus randomly text me it so I know when youve seen the message haha (i'm too lazy to check the connection logs)

okay cya! love you!